The First Dad
Somewhere outside the Garden of Eden.
Out into the blazing sun Eve emerged from the goatskin tent and observed her husband sweatily chopping at tree roots in a rugged area they hoped to turn into a vegetable field. Or, if that failed, a pickleball court.
“Adam, come here! I have news to share.”
Adam wiped his brow and approached. He pointed back at the field. “It’s getting a little bigger.”
“So am I,” she said. “Don’t you think?”
After the incident with the serpent back in Eden, everything felt to Adam like a trap. So he kept his mouth shut.
“Adam, you’re going to be a father.” She patted her belly.
“What’s a father?”
“It’s like being a shepherd, but instead of sheep or goats, you’ll be guiding a small human.”
“I don’t have to give up another rib, do I? That could really mess with my pickleball serve.”
“No. Our baby will arrive the natural way. You have six more months to learn how to be a father. Maybe ask God for advice.”
“After you forced me to eat that apple, is He even talking to us?”
“He’s talking to me. Wait … since leaving Eden five months ago, you haven’t even tried talking to Him?”
“I’ve been busy.”
A divine Voice spoke from the sky. “Busy? If you’d been busy you’d have a vegetable field by now. And a pickleball court.”
“Oh, hey,” said Adam. “Long time no – “
“Eve is right,” said God. “You need to learn how to be a father. The very first one on earth.”
Adam smirked. “How hard can it be?”
“As your Heavenly Father,” said God, “I can tell you that the role is not always easy. There are many things you want your children to learn in order for them to become all they’re meant to be, but they don’t always listen.”
“That must be tough,” said Adam.
Eve rolled her eyes. “He’s referring to us.”
“Let’s keep our first lesson short,” said God. “The primary objective of a good earthly father is to set a good example for his children. He should lead his family by being honest, merciful, humble, and faithful to Me.”
“That’s a lot,” said Adam. “You said you were going to keep it short.”
“I’m not done,” said God. “A good earthly father should spend time with his children, being actively present. Also, firm but gentle when disciplining. And, as occasion arises, willing to be playful.”
“Again, not short. Also, I have a question. Do you think YOU were being firm but gentle when you kicked us out of Eden and posted an angel with a flaming sword to block us from going back? Firm, yeah. Gentle? What strikes you as gentle about a security guard who, if I try to go back for my stuff, will cut off my head and light it on fire at the same time?”
“I permitted you to live. Maybe I was too gentle.”
“Nope. Never mind.”
“The final thing to ponder today is this: a good earthly father treats the mother of his children with respect. He cares for her, protects her, and honors her. He would even lay down his life for her.”
Eve looked at Adam. “Would you, Adam? If I were in danger, would you die for me?”
“I think,” said Adam, clearing his throat, “that mine is an undying love.”
Eve gave him a hard stare and stomped back into the tent.
“You have much to learn,” said God, “about being both a husband and a father.”
Adam shrugged. “I guess so. But go easy. In both cases, I’m the first one ever.”
“You’re not a father yet,” said God. “We’ve got another six months to get you prepared.”
“And then I’ll be the perfect father?”
“You’ll never be perfect at fatherhood, Adam. You’ll learn, you’ll grow, you’ll make mistakes, you’ll succeed, you’ll fail, you’ll be humbled, you’ll grow some more. You will live your whole life and still feel at the end like you were just beginning to figure out how to be a father.”
“My whole life?? And how long will that be?”
“930 years.”
The End